Something More
by kzam
Summary: Cloud never had any interest in dating or relationships - and why would he? Life was good, and he had the best friend imaginable. When Zack starts pestering him into dating random people though, he begins to wonder...


Mm, hi everyone. This was originally just gonna be posted on my tumblr, but someone requested I put it up here too...soooo, here it is!

* * *

**SOMETHING MORE**

* * *

It wasn't until he was fumbling with the second to last button on his shirt that he stopped to think about what he was doing. Collared, button up shirts…fancy, ironed slacks—it wasn't really his thing. Yet here he was, putting himself through all this hassle…and for what?

A date. With some guy he barely knew, and all because _Zack _had been so persuasive.

_"It might be kinda nice to get more involved with someone, don'tcha think?"_

_"Tons of guys ask you out every week…why don't you say yes just once?"_

He'd been building up a long, drawn out sigh, and the memories finally drew it out of him.

Zack's persistent questions had been enough to convince Cloud that _maybe _he could try to get out more often, but that motivation was long lost now…Now that he was stuck getting ready, feeling as awkward as he looked.

And where was Zack? At home, playing video games or watching a movie…probably with a beer in hand. Maybe he'd invited Kunsel over since Cloud had plans and couldn't join him this time.

Gaia, he'd rather be there…

Instead he was having a stare down with the bowtie on his bed, slowly narrowing his gaze as he quickly decided to put his foot down about this. _Kind of fancy_ was all that had been discussed—no one had actually said he needed to go that far, and frankly, he wasn't sure he actually _liked _his date enough to get that uncomfortable. He begrudgingly tucked in his shirt, hoping that would suffice.

By the time there was a knock on his apartment door, he was sure he couldn't care less about how the date went so long as it went quickly. If it wrapped up before it was _too _late, he could still get to Zack's with time to kick his ass…literally, and in the new shooter game that had come out the week before. They'd both been so caught up with work and missions that their schedules hadn't lined up right for them to play together yet.

The awkward smile he attempted to force faded before he got the door open, and even the bright, hopeful eyes of his date couldn't bring it back.

* * *

"They couldn't have been _that _bad."

Cloud arched an eyebrow, not impressed with Zack's matter-of-fact tone. "You weren't there."

"Yeah, but outta six dates at least one musta been decent," Zack argued, a big grin on his face as he plopped down on the couch at his friend's side.

"Not really," he responded with a shrug, indifferent about the whole thing.

They'd all been nice. And only one had a hobby that he'd quickly decided was a deal breaker…Yet they'd all gotten turned down when the question of a second date had arisen. It'd been somewhat uncomfortable saying no each time, but nothing could be worse than putting himself through _another _date when any of them.

Clearly Zack wasn't quite ready to let it go. "Why not? Did they do something wrong?"

"I'm not sure," the blond answered, thinking it over as he spoke. It was strange to find the right words—none of them were _bad _dates. They just weren't…good. Maybe under different circumstances he could have had fun with any of those guys (except the one who collected bugs), but honestly…"I just don't want a boyfriend right now, so there's no point in dating."

"Why not?" the dark haired man pressed, elbowing his friend in the side. "You can go out and have fun without lookin' to make it a lifelong commitment, Spike."

"It's just not for me," he said, still struggling to find the right words.

Casual dating, casual sex…it was all very common in Midgar, but none of it ever sounded appealing to him. That didn't mean he was actively seeking _the one _or any big commitment—on the contrary, he wasn't looking for anything serious either. He was fine with being alone.

It wasn't a depressing or self-pitying conclusion, it was just the truth. Things were good in his day-to-day life. He didn't need a boyfriend or girlfriend or anyone to make him feel more fulfilled—there wasn't a single aspect of his life that felt like it was lacking anyway.

All his dreams were coming to fruition now that he'd made SOLDIER. With Zack's help, he'd passed his exam on his third attempt, and life had only been improving since then. He had his own living quarters now, a better paycheck—he was finally saving to buy the parts he needed to build his own motorcycle _and _he still had extra gil to send back home to help his mom out each month. All the assholes who'd given him a hard time in the infantry respected him now, and while he wasn't particularly friendly with too many people, he had plenty of acquaintances he was on good enough terms with these days.

For anything else he needed, there was Zack.

There were a few other people he thoroughly enjoyed spending time with—namely Zack's mentor and his close friends—but Zack had such a big personality, it was hard to contemplate ever needing more than he could offer.

Was it really so strange that he didn't have any desire to go out and spend time with other people? Not really, Cloud decided. Even before he knew Zack none of that seemed appealing…now that he had Zack around, it seemed even less appealing.

Of course Zack wouldn't quite understand that though—his best friend went on dates multiple nights a week when he could, and had no problem keeping things fun and casual. The only thing they had in common when it came to dating was that Zack never went on second dates either, it seemed.

"You're breaking a lotta hearts, Spike."

"Shut up," Cloud muttered, rolling his eyes.

That only made Zack laugh though. "I'm serious! Just 'cause you weren't having a good time didn't mean they weren't—they wouldn't ask you out for another otherwise. May as well admit it—you're a catch, Spike, and I want the inside scoop. What's a dude hafta do to get a second date with you?"

He was ready to roll his eyes again, biting back a smile because he didn't want to _encourage _Zack to keep asking such ridiculous questions…but then he realized how serious his friend had become. Again. What was it with Zack and this subject?

"I don't know," he admitted, a short sigh accompanying the words.

"Well, let's figure it out. I wanna help you. Were they not your type?"

"…I guess not."

"Why's that?"

"I don't know."

"Maybe you'd be more interested in dating someone outside of ShinRa," Zack suggested, frowning as he spoke. "A lotta guys aren't into dating in the ranks—maybe you'd like someone with a different lifestyle. A break from all this."

"I don't think that's it," Cloud responded, shaking his head slowly. "I mean, I like hearing about other people here. It's just as interesting as hearing about someone who doesn't work for ShinRa—they were all in different fields, with different missions."

In fact, all six of his dates had worked for ShinRa, and not one of them had much else in common. There were more components to the company than he'd realized, and he had thought he was pretty well informed about it all—even within the SOLDIER program, there were more subdivisions than he could count. Dating someone else in SOLDIER was definitely not always the equivalent of dating someone with the exact same job.

Zack nodded his head as he took in Cloud's statement, perking up where he sat. "Okay…were they nice?" Cloud nodded his head—they were all nice enough, sure. "Funny?" He frowned at this one, shrugging as he thought it over. It wasn't that they weren't funny, they just weren't _particularly _funny. Then again, Zack Fair was his best friend—he had a different standard about what was funny after so many years hanging out with Zack. He gave a nod anyway, concluding that they were at least mildly amusing. "Okay. Physically then. They were all SOLDIERs right? Musta been in good shape."

"Yeah."

"But you weren't attracted to them?"

He paused, considering it for the first time. "They weren't bad looking."

"But they weren't good looking either?"

"I wouldn't say that. I don't even care about that though…that definitely wasn't the issue."

"Then help me out here, Spike! You had six dates with six attractive, funny, nice dudes…and didn't like any of them?"

"I don't think they were the problem, I think it's me. I'm just not into it."

"Into what? Hot, nice, funny men with great bodies who wanna show you a good time?"

He sunk into the cushions, realizing exactly how odd it must seem—Zack's tone was so skeptical. "I guess not," he replied after a moment, unable to even pretend otherwise.

_Huh, _he heard Zack mumble, grabbing his attention back quickly—his eyes had been fixated on the TV, but they were back on Zack now, watching as his friend tapped a finger against his chin thoughtfully. "Ever thought about dating women maybe? Could be that you're—"

Cloud scoffed, not even wanting to hear the rest of the statement. "Of course I've thought about it…I'm from _Nibelheim_," he reminded his friend—his life would have been a lot easier from the get-go if he'd just been interested in dating women.

Zack knew all of that though, and he eyed the blond apologetically. "I didn't mean to say that," he said gently, and Cloud couldn't help but smile weakly in response. He knew Zack meant no harm—sometimes he blurted things out, but his intentions were always good. The older SOLDIER smiled back when he saw he was forgiven, not skipping a beat as he jumped back into the conversation. "I'm just worried about you, that's all—I want you to have someone."

"Why is this so important to you?"

"I want you to be happy."

Did he really seem unhappy? He frowned, wondering why _Zack _of all people would think that. They always had a great time when they were together, and he spent most of it smiling or laughing. No one else could draw out that side of him so easily…

Well, on most days that was how they were. If Zack would stop bringing up the dating subject, he was sure they'd be goofing around right now. "Zack…"

"Don't give me that look—I just wanna help you out, Spike."

"I _am _happy. Maybe I'm not the best at showing it, but…I _like _my life right now. Everything is good," he assured his friend, holding Zack's curious gaze as he tried to compel his friend to believe it. "I know it's weird to you, but really, I'm fine."

"You don't ever think about _more _though? Having someone to kinda…share it all with?"

"I don't need to go find some random guy to open up to…I have you if I wanna talk about something," he insisted, his weak smile turning into something broad and genuine. Surely Zack could see it too—everything he was describing was something they both already had.

Zack nodded in agreement, but the smile on his face was a bit strained still. "Yeah ya do. But having more might be nice, ya know?"

"More _what_? It's not like you go on second dates either," Cloud said, staring pointedly. "I don't need to get laid to be happy."

"It's not about getting laid, it's about putting yourself out there—opening up to someone instead of shutting yourself off."

"I don't do that…not with you."

"Yeah, but what we have right now isn't the same thing. It can be more than this."

"I guess I just don't think about it that way," he said, not quite sure what Zack was getting at—it was a bit vague, really.

A relationship, it seemed, was much like his friendship with Zack—but with some additional physical elements potentially, and more of an actual commitment to one another. Maybe there would be deeper feelings as well, though he couldn't imagine it being possible to care about Zack more deeply than he already did.

Either way, none of that sounded _bad_…it just didn't sound like something he needed, or was missing out on. And it definitely wasn't something he could see himself even _wanting_ with just anyone. If there was one thing he learned from his recent dating spree, it was that if he ever _did _decide to be in a relationship with someone, he'd rather be friends with that person first.

Zack seemed lost in his own thoughts, barely meeting Cloud's eyes as he worked up a response. "I wish we thought about it the same way."

The blond studied his friend carefully, wondering if he misunderstood. It sounded like maybe Zack was the one who actually wanted something 'more' though, and that maybe he was the one who needed a push…the thought made him a bit uncomfortable, but he steeled himself—if Zack was going out of his way to be supportive, it was only fair that he show the same level of support in return.

"You don't have to worry about me, Zack. What I do doesn't have to affect you—if you're looking for something like that, I think you should go for it."

"Cloud…"

"We always have fun together, right?" Cloud asked, though he didn't wait for an answer—Zack's stare was practically screaming _duh_, and so he continued, "And we tell each other everything, right?"

"…Yeah."

"So if I had a problem or was unhappy, you'd be the first to know."

Zack nodded again, looking a bit more tense where he sat as he eyed the blond. "You're sure you don't want more? With _anyone_?"

The only person he would even consider was the one staring back at him, and his heart swelled at the thought—there was just no way he'd risk saying something like that though. Zack gave him so much already…whatever _more _meant, it didn't seem right to ask his friend for it.

"I'm happier now than I've ever been," he said instead, each word firm and honest.

"I guess that makes sense. I didn't mean to press you, I just…I'm sorry, Spike."

* * *

Another three weeks passed, and they were better than he could have imagined. All of his missions had been a success, and he was even getting recognition among some of the higher ups…there was talk about an early promotion to 2nd Class if things kept going so well, and really, the only thing that could make that news more exciting would be if Zack were around to discuss it with.

But he wasn't.

Ever since their last discussion he hadn't been around much, actually, and it was becoming bothersome. Their schedules weren't always easy to line up, but one way or another they always found time to spend together every week. Usually multiple nights a week, for the past several _years_—even in his infantry days when he had the added curfews and morning drills to consider.

Somehow having everything going so right felt very wrong without Zack being around to share it all with.

"Sorry, Spike. I've got a date tonight."

Cloud had barely knocked on his door, only to be told that the moment after it was cracked open. Each word hit him hard, and it took him a moment to find his composure. "…Are we okay, Zack?"

The door opened a bit further, and Zack gestured with his head for Cloud to step in. "Of course we are," he responded, shutting the door carefully before resting his hands on his hips. He was looking directly past his friend still. "Why wouldn't we be?"

"I haven't seen you in a while…I miss you."

"Sorry, Spike. I've just been busy."

There was a drawn out pause, leaving Cloud stunned. This was Zack…_his _Zack who barely ever shut up—and that was all he intended to say? He made a conscious effort not to show how offended he felt as he tried to prompt more out of him.

"Who's the lucky guy tonight?"

"One of Kunsel's buddies—I'm not sure if you know him. Dan."

Cloud just shrugged…he knew at least six Dans, and three of them were in SOLDIER. "Didn't you go out with a Dan last week?"

"Same guy."

Both of his eyebrows shot up. "Second date?"

"Fourth."

A mix of awe and apprehension gripped him, the sensation foreign and unwelcome. "_What_?"

"Why's that so weird? I thought about what we talked about, and yeah—you were right, I don't do second dates either. Figured it was time to give it a try myself."

The feeling only amplified at Zack's words, but he tried to stay calm. "And?"

"It's kinda nice seeing the same person more than once. Getting to know him better…second and third dates are a lot more interesting than the first too, 'cause most the boring conversation is outta the way."

"So…you like him?" Cloud asked, disappointed in his own lack of enthusiasm.

This was what Zack wanted, obviously—why he kept pressing the issue of forming a connection with someone. And this was what _he _had encouraged Zack to do in response…to 'go for it'. What he hadn't considered was the fact that Zack might actually listen. Surely he should be happy for his friend, but as the older SOLDIER nodded his head, he felt nothing but annoyance and confusion.

"Four dates though, it's been three weeks since we hung out…what—"

"Hey, don't get me wrong. Just because I'm seeing him more than once doesn't mean I'm not doing the first date thing with other people," Zack explained quickly, his words not doing much to sooth Cloud. "It's definitely not_ that_ serious. Plus my missions have been kinda hectic—you know how that is."

He did. That didn't mean he had to like it though. "Yeah."

"So, uh, let's do something tomorrow maybe? I don't wanna rush you out the door, but I've gotta finish getting ready."

Cloud looked him up and down skeptically—he was in dark jeans and a black t-shirt…casual, but he looked good. His spiky hair wasn't quite so out of control, and there was a faint smell of cologne lingering in the air already. The blond couldn't shake the feeling that Zack was _already _ready for his date—the only thing that appeared missing was shoes.

Zack was staring at Cloud expectantly though, and he quickly snapped himself out of his own analysis. "Right. Tomorrow, then," he agreed automatically, sounding every bit as doubtful as he felt.

Last time Zack said something like that had been a week ago, and he'd called to cancel the next day. _Something came up_, apparently.

His heart plummeted, and he couldn't help but wonder what was really going on here. Zack had already moved toward his bedroom before he could ask, snatching a belt from the bed and looping it around his waist absentmindedly—as if Cloud had already left, and he didn't need to look up or acknowledge anything else. The blond couldn't move though—his feet were rooted in the ground as he watched his friend…Zack hadn't even said goodbye, and he was sure he wouldn't be able to budge until he got at least that much from his friend.

Several minutes passed before Zack reemerged from the bedroom, this time with concern growing on his face. "You okay, Spike?"

"No," Cloud muttered, knowing all too well that Zack could hear him no matter how hushed his words were.

He was still frozen in that spot, eyes falling to the carpet as he listened to the shuffle of familiar footsteps drawing in closer. A gentle hand on his shoulder jostled him enough to get him to look up again, meeting Zack's gaze tentatively.

The elder SOLDIER just stared back, searching the blond's eyes momentarily before speaking softly, "What's wrong?"

"I don't like this."

"Like what?"

Suddenly he felt very childish, but he couldn't help it—this was Zack, and he wasn't about to lie. "I get that you're busy and have dates and work, but…I don't like not seeing you," Cloud tried to explain, cringing at his own selfish words.

"Spike…I'm gonna see you still. I just need some time."

"Time?" he repeated, testing the word with even more uncertainty. He definitely didn't like how it sounded. "Time for what?"

"When we were talking about those things…about wanting more, that's what _I _want. I get that you're happy with how things are, but I'm not. I want something…deeper, I guess. I'm just taking some time to find it, hopefully."

"What's that have to do with not seeing me?"

"Everything."

Cloud's eyes grew wide, taken aback by Zack's response—and the way he'd spoken it like it was so simple. So obvious. It wasn't making nearly as much sense to Cloud. "I don't get it."

"C'mon, Spike," Zack whispered, not a trace of his usual amusement to be seen or heard. "You already know."

"Know what?"

"If I had it my way, it'd be with _you…_but you don't want the same things as me, so I need to at least _try _moving on."

"…Wait, _what_?"

"I wanna be with you," he said, too clearly for there to be any misunderstanding. "You musta known that by now, I've been hinting for _weeks_."

Hinting? Cloud blinked, not remembering anything seeming out of the ordinary. Their friendship had always been a bit physical, and they spent so much time joking around that nothing ever sounded _that _unusual.

He shook his head, unable to think of even one example of Zack's supposed hints. "I didn't notice anything different…everything just felt normal until now."

"Normal…? That's what I don't get—things have never been normal with us. That first day we met, I asked you out on that date and it's like I've been trying to figure out what went wrong ever since. We always have a great time together, but—"

"Wait, _what_?" again he cut in, this time more loudly. "You never asked me on a date!"

Zack arched an eyebrow, folding his arms across his chest. "What did you think 'wanna get some dinner' meant?"

He opened his mouth to protest, but found himself at a loss, trying desperately to sort through the memory. It was so long ago, but he remembered it very clearly—he remembered all their time together vividly, always.

Zack had _definitely _never asked him on a date.

"You just felt bad for me because the other guys were giving me a hard time—I couldn't even look you in the eye for the first _month _we knew each other…I thought you only stuck around because you thought it was amusing or you just felt sorry for me."

"It _was _kinda funny, but mostly I thought you were too damn cute…"

"Oh, Gaia…" he groaned, raising a hand to cover his face instinctively.

He could feel the heat in his cheeks, suddenly feeling very, very stupid for not realizing what Zack had meant back then. He rubbed his eyes as he played through the memory, recalling briefly how amused Zack had been when they went out that day…how innocent it had all seemed from his own perspective. Of course, back then especially, there was just no way he'd ever have believed someone like Zack Fair would be interested in someone like him—any self-esteem he had was established _after _their friendship had begun.

What had Zack possibly seen in him back then? He'd asked himself that at the time, but only in the context of friendship…and he'd never quite figured it out. All he knew was that from the start he felt an immediate connection with Zack, and it was unlike anything he'd ever known. He definitely hadn't reciprocated Zack's feelings or intentions that first day, but the way their friendship evolved over time…there was no denying that very real feelings of his own had blossomed as well. Their friendship had just been too important for him to consider those feelings though…especially when everything was going so damn well for a change.

He'd almost acknowledged it the last time they'd spoken, his heart fluttering in such a peculiar way…but it had been easy to push it all aside then. When he didn't know how Zack felt, and it only made sense not to dwell on it.

That wouldn't work this time. Forcing himself to remain aware of his feelings…to _really _acknowledge them…it was nearly overwhelming.

"All this time?" the younger man asked, finally dropping his hands to his sides as he looked to his friend helplessly—there was just no possible way it could be true.

Zack looked just as confused as Cloud felt, a hand on the back of his neck as he considered the question. "Not exactly…" he admitted slowly, which was actually a relief to hear. Maybe he wasn't _that _oblivious. "At first, definitely—I saw you, and pity was the _last _thing on my mind…but we weren't really on the same page, and now I kinda see why. Whatever I was thinking stopped when I realized what you really needed was a friend…I just wanted to be that person for you, more than anything. The more I got to know you though…it was kinda there in the back of my mind, but things had already fallen into place between us. You were opening up finally, and I thought maybe we were just better off friends anyway…but lately it's like I can't stop thinking about you."

Six dates…six men who had all said something quite similar. _I can't get you off my mind, I've always liked you, I've always wanted to go out with you—_all different variations of the same statement. Not one of those confessions had brought a blush to his cheeks, or left him fighting not to gasp. In fact, every time he'd heard those words, he'd been sorely tempted to laugh because it sounded so ridiculous.

This time it sounded ridiculous too—yet his cheeks were flushed again, and the gasp had already escaped his lips.

"_What_?" he managed to ask, wishing he had a better response—it was all just too much though.

"Maybe because you don't need a friend anymore. A lot's changed with you, and I just—"

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"You never seem into it—not just me, but anyone. I didn't wanna weird you out by confessing something like that, so I just…"

It still didn't make sense. "Told me I should start dating random dudes?"

"I didn't think you'd actually cave in and go on dates…" Zack said, looking a bit put off by the admission. "You always hated talking about things like that though, so encouraging you to get out more felt like a good way to get on the subject without it ending up like this—dumping all this on you and stressing you out."

"_Six dates. _You kept telling me to go on more! I only went because you were so damn insistent about it."

"Because after the first one it was kinda obvious you wouldn't get serious with any of 'em, and to be honest…I just wanted to know what was up—why you always held back when it came to going out or relationships or any of it. The more you went out, the more willing you were to talk about why you _didn't _go out. I understand now though, so don't worry about it—you're not into it, and I respect that. I still wanna be friends, I just need a minute away, ya know?"

All those uncomfortable, awkward dates, and why? So Zack could pester him instead of just speaking up. Zack who had no problem walking up to complete strangers and hitting on them, asking them out on the spot without hesitation. How could someone like that even think twice about opening up to his best friend?

Actually, it was almost too easy to understand why he'd been worried about it. "You're an idiot," the blond muttered, too fondly to be insulting.

"Gee, thanks, bud…"

"Did it ever occur to you the reason I wasn't into anyone was because I had you?" Cloud asked, the same question he'd asked himself just a moment before…the answer had been a revelation, and he grew more certain of it as he held Zack's baffled stare. "I never wanted anyone else because there was no way anyone else could ever give me more than you do."

"…Cloud, I'm glad you feel like you get so much outta our friendship, and I do too—but I still need some time. I'll get over this, and we can get back to normal or _our _normal or whatever you want after."

It was sweet that Zack was so supportive—even still, under these circumstances…he looked like he was torn by his own words, but all that seemed to matter to him was how Cloud felt about it all.

He was definitely missing the point though.

There were too many thoughts and emotions surging through Cloud to formulate a coherent sentence and _tell _Zack that. Even when he was thinking clearly it was difficult to find the best way to say certain things, and _this_…never in his life had he tried to say anything like this.

How could he explain that there was a good reason why a meal at a fancy restaurant with a random dude couldn't compare to cheap pizza on Zack's couch…that there was a reason he kept thinking about how seeing that horror movie would have been way more fun if Zack had been the one by his side, making him jump every time the suspense was just right…that there was a reason even the funniest moments were dull without the sound of Zack's laughter ringing in the air along with his own…

It was all right there, at the forefront of his mind—but none of it moved to the tip of his tongue.

Instead he took a step closer, reaching out and tugging at Zack's hand—he gave it a gentle squeeze when it was comfortably in his own, a last ditch effort to try to convey his feelings. "Cancel your date," Cloud pleaded, his heart racing anxiously—he didn't know _what _he'd say if Zack refused, though he could hardly blame his friend if he did at this point. "Please?"

Zack hesitated a moment, tilting his head as he eyed the blond curiously. He didn't even try to pull his hand back though. "Why?"

"Because I wanna order crappy takeout and hang out with you until we fall asleep on the couch…" A normal night for the two of them. But maybe Zack was right…maybe their time together had never quite been normal. Knowing that and doing it anyway…it felt like something _more_. His heart seemed to agree with that assessment, giving him the courage to continue. "And then I wanna wake up and complain about your snoring and your morning breath."

Zack nodded along, eyes finally lighting up as he seemed to understand what Cloud was saying. He reached out with his free hand, snatching Cloud's into his own as he smirked. "Only if I can complain about your hair poking me in the eye."

Nothing could stop him from mirroring Zack's smirk as he nodded too. "Deal."


End file.
